Tears of a Fallen Angel
by fairychix26
Summary: Lovino has a dark secret. One that he has hidden for 11 years, but when an anonymous poetry assignment revels part of it to a person he thought he hated will his life come crumbling around him? And who will be there to help him pick up the pieces? AN-full warning inside. Please read the warning.
1. Warnings

Okay I am making this the complete first chapter because I want it to be clear.

The rating on this story is not for happy lemons. This story features dark themes and I am going to take them as tactfully as I can.

Among many things this story will include

-rape

-sef-harm

-abuse by a parental figure both mental and physical

-attempted suicide

-drug abuse

-and for obvious character reasons there will be cursing but that doesn't really need too much warning.

Within the story I am a lazy butt and didn't want to use google translate so whenever you see underlined text it is implied that the characters are speaking in Italian.

Oh and Hetalia in no way belongs to me!

Now we go on to the story. Please enjoy!


	2. Chapter 1: How things are

Chapter 1: How things are

"Hey Lovi! Lovi! What are you gonna write about?" I had just gotten out of English class and I was being followed by Antonio and his stupid friends.

"None of your damn business tomato bastard." I had been calling Antonio that since we were 11, as 17 year olds no one remembered just how it had started but it stuck nonetheless.

"Aw but Lovi" Antonio whined trying to get me to answer him.

"It is an anonymous assignment if you can guess which one is mine then you will know!" I was already mad for that day and I just wanted to get home and write the stupid paper.

English was my last subject of the day and my most hated one. I'm in the class with Antonio, a Spanish kid who had a knack for annoying me over anything that he would say, Gilbert, a kid who had come to their town during their 7th grade year from Germany with his little brother, and Francis, a kid who joined them from France the same year. The three of them had been close friends from the moment they met. Also in the class was Arthur, who tried every day to live up to his older brothers' reputations in class and ignore Francis's flirtations; a hard feet, Lovino knew from experience; Alfred he was as stereotypical American as you could get, and his twin brother Mathew who had only come to the school this year from Canada because their mom gained custody after a lengthy court battle. There were a few other kids but I didn't really care to know all of the members in the one class I really hated the most. It wasn't so much the class it was more the fact that I couldn't think for myself for more than two minutes in the class without someone bothering me. I walked to my locker and put away all of my books trying to ignore the other students in the hall. I sighed and counted in _'3-2-1'_

"Fratello!" _'Yep there it is, Feliciano' _Feliciano is my little brother and everyday he would meet me by my locker and talk in rapid Italian.

"Brother, brother! Guess what? Today Ludwig brought me some pasta with wrust and he had made it himself and it was so good! I don't know why you don't like German food it is really good. Oh and in art class I painted a picture of you and grandpa and me and then the teacher said it was really good and she wants to hang it in our class, but I said no because I know you don't like people to see pictures of you. I brought it home so that you can see it and we can hang it at home. I don't know where though because I am almost out of room on my walls. Oh and Lovi-"

"Shut up! Feliciano let's just go home and you can hang it up wherever you want just quit talking I already have a headache."

"Oh, okay fratello~"

The two of us walked out of the building looking like opposites, while Feliciano flounced out of the building and had a smile on his face the whole way home I was slouched over and frowning. This was not unusual at all for us though. We made their way across town and to our four story estate house that we lived in with our grandfather.

"Grandpa, grandpa we're home!" Feliciano was always happy when he got home each day, I however was not.

"Oh good my grandson is home," Roma picked up Feliciano and twilred him around making him laugh.

"Hi grandpa" I said to him.

"Lovino, your list is on the counter. Do not disappoint me." Roma gave me a glare and then turned back to the younger of us. "Well bambino come your piano lessons await!" He had a big smile for his younger grandson and held out a hand for him.

"Can fratello come too? I want him to sing with me again," Feliciano looked at their grandfather imploringly.

"Why don't you ask him bambino?" Feliciano then turned to look at me and pleaded with big eyes.

"Please fratello," Feliciano begged his brother.

I sighed and looked at my brother with a false smile upon his face, "Not today fratello I have to do my chores, but if you play really well it will make me happy and I can do them faster."

"Okay fratello I can do that! I will play super good so fratello can do his chores!" Feliciano skipped off to the piano room for his lesson with Mr. Edelstein.

"Very good Lovino, now get to your chores. Also yesterday you left a stain on one of the towels. Come to my room later for punishment."

I gulped loudly; I had thought everything had been done well yesterday. I really didn't want punishment again; my bruises were still healing from last time. "Yes Nono."

Grandfather slapped me across the face, "What did you call me!"

"I meant yes master! I'm so sorry master!" I was now shaking and staring up at him.

"Your punishment was just increased. Do your chores properly and they may not be increased anymore."

"Yes master." I bowed and then went to the kitchen where Bella the live-in maid and cook was.


	3. Chapter 2: True Friends

Chapter 2: True Friends, and a Little Singing

"Hi Bella."

"Lovino! Are you okay?" She saw the purple bruise forming upon my cheek and ran over to me. "What happened?"

"I tripped it's okay," I tried to spare her the details of his being beaten; this time for not addressing his grandfather as master once Feliciano was gone.

"Tripped? Right into your grandfather's hand?" Bella always had been observant, well that and the bruise was in the form of a hand-print.

"No," Bella gave me a look and I looked down shyly. "Yah…"

"One day I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind!" Bella looked murderous until I looked at her with sad eyes, "Lovino I will it will be okay I promise."

"No Bella you have yourself to worry about I'll be fine."

"Fine, but I'm doing your chores today. You do your homework."

"Okay Bella thank you."

"No problem honey."

I sat down at the small table used for servants in the kitchen. It was safe to do so because though grandfather watched me much of the time he would never set foot in the kitchen himself. I pulled out my books and got out the English assignment. _'Write a poem anonymously about yourself. It can be in any format it just must not have our name written upon it.' _It seemed easy enough… I just hopped no one figured out it was mine…

I started writing and knew what it was going to say. Maybe if I could at least write about it then I wouldn't feel so alone and so helpless. I finished writing and put all the stuff away in my bag then turned to where Bella was making supper. "Do you think he will require me at dinner tonight?"

She thought it over, "Jus to be safe I would ask him. Feliciano is still playing piano so you might be able to ask him there. At least then you will be close enough that he can't yell at you or strike you."

I sighed, "Wish me luck…"

I got up and went to the piano room where I knew my grandfather was going to be. As I arrived in the room the final notes of a song were playing.

"Bravo Feliciano. I am so proud of my little bambino. Come give Nono a hug!" I observed my grandfather and brother bitterly. I may love my little brother but I can't stand my grandfather. Of course I have good reason for such.

Feliciano looked over and saw me standing in the doorway, "Fratello! Are your chores done? Will you sing with me now?"

I smiled back but then realized that grandfather's attention was on me now, "No  
Feliciano. Bella wanted me to ask Nono if he would require my presence at supper because if not she has a few bigger pans she needs my help scrubbing."

Grandfather put on a fake smile, "It will be fine if you help Bella, but I expect all your other chores to be done as well. Also your brother wants to sing a song with you."

I replied with a fake smile of my own and said in a sickly sweet voice, "Of course Nono I would love to sing a duet with him. And I will be sure to have all of my chores completed."

Feliciano smiled and drug me over to the piano where Mr. Edelstein was sitting at the bench. "Mr. Edelstein will you play for us?"

"Of course Feliciano I would be honored. What would you like to sing young master?"

"Lovi can we sing 'I waited for the Lord'?"

"Anything you would like Feli."

"Okay. That's what we will sing then."

The music started and I sang the lower part as my brother took his higher part. The music lifted my spirits and I truly sang from my heart. My brother and I in perfect harmony, we always loved to sing together and this was truly a treat for me. I let myself be lost to the music and as the last note rang I finally came back to this earth.

"Lovi it was great! We sounded amazing!" Feliciano was hugging me then looking at our grandfather, "Weren't we great Nonno?"

"You sounded amazing Feliciano! Your voice like an angel."

"Thank you for allowing me to sing with you Feliciano, but I must get back to chores. I shall see you tonight Nonno." I bowed and took my leave from the Piano room quickly going back to the kitchen to see Bella.

The afternoon passed quickly and I helped out Bella in the kitchen ignoring all her protests that I should get some rest and go sleep. I was able to help her get dinner done and I set up the desert stuff for Roderich. He had been making all the deserts in the house since he started working here. When Elizabeth, his wife who lived in the servant wing with him, showed up later she helped me to clean up the bedrooms on the third floor while Grandfather and Feliciano were eating so that it could be done before Grandfather made his inspection. After that Liz and I made our way to the kitchen to eat with Roderich and Bella.

We all sat down together at the table in there and Bella and Liz started to pass around plates full of food.

"So Lovi, how was school?" Liz asked me smiling mischievously, "is Antonio still bothering you?"

I glared back at her, "Not as much as your cousin" I replied.

"Only by marriage, love. He's Roderich's blood."

I laughed as he glared at her, "Gilbert Beilschmidt and I haven't been in the same room as each other for more than 20 minutes since my wedding and he was only there because protocol dictates that he had to be invited."

Our dinner carried on like this with Liz and Bella teasing me and Roderich in turn and us getting even. Eventually the clock struck 10:15 and I knew I had to go, I knew otherwise I would have to face my Grandfather's wrath about being late. "I will see you guys tomorrow. Goodnight Bella, Liz, Roderich."

Bella stood and hugged me, "Good luck Lovino. I will wait up for you okay?"

As she had stood Roderich had as well, "Bella you need rest your brother is taking you out this weekend, I will wait up for him." He grabbed me by the shoulder, "just agree with him and show submission. I will be waiting up if you need anything."

I nodded at them both and walked away up the stairs. As I mounted the stairs I took a deep breath and steeled my nerves for this.


	4. Chapter 3: Punishment, and Reaching Out

Chapter 3: Punishment, and Reaching Out

As I mounted the stairs I took a deep breath and steeled my nerves for this. The others had discovered that my grandfather would beat me when he was upset with something I had done but they didn't know the extent of these punishment sessions. I could never bear to tell them. I knocked on the door and waited for a sign of admittance.

"Come in." my grandfather's strong voice rang out from his parlor, and I walked into the room. I kept my eyes down but couldn't help but shudder as I saw his bedroom door was open. "Do you know why you are in here Lovino?" I nodded without looking up or saying anything. "Look at me when I'm talking to you Lovino!"

I looked up at him and saw the anger on his face, "Yes, master."

"Now I asked you, do you know why you are here?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then you know that you need to be punished. You have not warranted a punishment in a while so tonight you will be allowed to pick the punishment."

I gulped and thought it over, I knew that there was a wrong and a right answer. If I should pick something too "easy" on me then he would change his mind and my punishment would be worse, on the other hand I really didn't want to be limping at school tomorrow; you could only claim that you pulled a hamstring so many times before people start to suspect something. "I truly think this decision would be best left up to you Grand- I mean master" now I'd done it.

A evil glint come over his face then, "I shall do that then. Lovino go into the bedroom and get ready."

I held back the tears of fear that wanted to come and went into the bed room and stripped. I folded my clothes as was expected of me and sat on the bed. While I went about this I could hear my grandfather locking the door to the parlor and then going in his secret room. I took deep breaths and tried to relax. I knew this would be a long night no matter what 'toy' he decided to use tonight. All of a sudden I was shocked out of my thoughts of submission and trying to get through this by the sound of a whip cracking. It was going to be a long night.

After he was finished and I was bloodied and bruised he stood from the bed and walked to his bathroom. Before going in, he spared a glance me, "Go I don't want to see you in my sight until tomorrow."

I stood from the bed dressed myself and left the room quickly. I had only one destination on my mind. I needed my back looked at and I couldn't risk not telling anyone this time. When I arrived in the kitchen Roderich was sitting at the table looking over sheet music.

"Roderich, I-i need help."

He looked up in shock though each of them had waited up for me before I had never actually come down for help. He looked me over and I realized I was wearing one of my white shirts and the blood was soaking through. "Come sit. I will go get the first aid kit."

I looked at the chair he wanted me to sit in, "I-I can't…"

He looked at me funny and the realization dawned on his face, "How long?"

"What?"

"How long has this been a part of the punishments?"

I looked down at my feet and mumbled out "6 years…"

Roderich grabbed the first aid kit and then came and took me by the hand, "I am going to need you to lay on your stomach then. I have to get your back cleaned up and it may need stiches."

He led me to his cake icing table. "This is low enough you can lay down easily," he saw the look on my face as I realized that my blood could get on it, "I can bleach the blood off. It won't mess anything up. But if you don't want the girls to know about this we need to work quickly. Eliza will come looking for me soon and if she sees you then we both know she will get Bella. I will be gentle, that is all I can be with my pianist's fingers."

I lie down and let him attend to my back. He sewed up the deeper cuts and washed off the blood from my back. The whip had done more damage than he would usually let it. "I am going to rub in healing cream with some anesthetic. It will be cold but it will let you have some sleep. I want you to sleep in the room next to ours. It's clean and has fresh sheets on the bed. Ned stays in there whenever he visits Bella. I will gather you a new uniform from up in your room and tomorrow I can put some more cream on in the morning. The room does have a bathroom and both the bathroom and the room itself have locks."

He started bandaging up my back and I nodded and understood why he said the last part, "Thank you. I don't know-"

"Shh. Just stay out of trouble. These are pretty bad so I know you are going to be in pain tomorrow. I will leave some asprin and water with your clothes. They will be sitting outside of your door. You know where to go."

He helped me off the table and smiled at me, "There are some sweats that Ned left here I'm sure they will fit you. Go to bed I will see you tomorrow."

I nodded and walked away towards the rooms. "Oh and Lovino, if you don't want the girls to know then I won't tell them but you should talk to someone. I know that we bad talk him a lot but Gilbert will listen, and he won't judge." With that he left up the stairs.

I got into the room locked the door behind me and then lay down on the bed. I had been there for less than a second when I fell into a deep sleep.


	5. Chapter 4: 'Fun Times' at school

Chapter 4: 'Fun Times' at school

-beep- -beep- -beep- I woke up to the alarm in the room going off. "Lovino you need to get up and get ready for school. Take a shower and I will be in in 20 min to help you be ready."

I rolled out of bed already in pain for the morning. I went to the bathroom and got ready for the day. As I came out of my room I heard a knock at the door, "Lovino I'm back are you ready?"

"Yeah one second… Um… do you have my clothes out there?"

I could hear him chuckle, "Yes I have a bag with your uniform for the day and also some medicine and water."

I went over and unlocked the door, "Okay come in."

Roderich walked in and set down a bag of clothes on the desk by the door, "Do you mind if I lock the door? That way the girls don't come barging in."

He looked to me like I was going to freak out and I guess it made sense why he would, but I never felt nervous around Roderich only my grandfather. "Yeah, that's fine."

He locked the door and sat in the desk chair, "Go put on your pants and then when you get back out here I will do your back before you put on your shirt." He handed the bag of clothes as he said this and I went back into the bathroom to put on pants.

As I pulled my pants out of the bag I saw the aspirin and bottle of water he had brought me. I finished getting dressed and took the meds hoping that they would kick in fast and relieve the pain. I walked out of the bathroom and saw that Roderich was still sitting there he had the cream in his hands, "If you sit here I will put the cream on."

He had me sit on the chair backwards so that my back was exposed to him, "Roderich why are you doing this?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you helping me? You don't have to. In fact my grandfather would be mad if he knew you were."

"Lovino, you and your brother have grown up to be young men in this household and I have been watching after you since I was five years old. I think of you two as my own brothers. I mean you spent more time with me than many people because you were hiding with my parents, now you live with us and we 'servants' must stick together. I mean come on Lovino you Bella Feliciano and I all grew up together. We are a family, and family helps each other."

"Oh."

He smiled and helped me up, "Don't oh me. I'm done. Hurry off to school we don't want you to be late. Your bag is on our table and you can go out the back door if you want."

"Bye, see you after school."

"Don't forget what I said last night."

"I won't."

With that I left. I grabbed my bag from the table and then left out the back door as suggested, I didn't want to have to see my grandfather this morning if I didn't have to and besides Feliciano was walking to school with his stupid German friend so I didn't want to be with them. Of course I never did have good luck.

"Hey Lovi! Lovi!" I had barely gotten out of the gate as I heard the annoying voice. I may try to avoid the two Germans as much as possible but since they did live next door it made it harder. "Kesesese I'm gonna walk with Lovi today guys I will see you later West, Feliciano."

Gilbert Beilschmidt had to be one of the most annoying people I knew and that included my little brother. "Hey Lovi! So did you finish your poem?"

"Yes."

"Can I read it?"

"No."

"Aw why not?"

"Because, as I told your stupid tomato bastard of a friend yesterday it is supposed to be anonymous."

"You're no fun."

"You along with everyone else in the class can try to guess which one is mine."

"Do I get a prize if I'm right?"

"What?"

"Yeah! Like if I get it right then you give me a kiss!"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Well first off because it isn't a competition, and second because I don't kiss bid albino German assholes!"

"That hurts Lovi."

"Quit calling me Lovi!"

We had arrived at the school by now so I stomped off to retrieve my books for my first three periods.

The first half of the day went by like a blur: first period science, where we listened to a stupid lecture; second math; another lecture; and third history, yet one more lecture class. I put away my books and grabbed the one I'd need for English as well as my choir folder. Then I set off for lunch. I always spent my lunch time in the third floor stairwell on the north side of campus, that way I could actually be alone. Since the Caf. Was on the south side no one could see me and no one thought to look for me here. The only time I was ever almost caught was when I got there too early and people were walking by.

I was able to sit in my favorite spot and eat some of the lunch that Feliciano had grabbed for me from home. He claimed that he knew I would forget it but I know that this was most likely Bella's doing.

The bell rang singling that lunch was over and I went off to my classes; first gym, then choir, and finally my last class of the day English.


	6. Chapter 5: The Poetry Competition!

Chapter 5: The Poetry competition!

"Now class you should all be ready to turn in your poems. I told you these would be anonymous and they will be. I want each of you to fold your papers in half hamburger style. Then when I call your name you will come up let me look through the back of the paper to make sure there is writing on the paper and then place it in this box. After everyone has turned theirs in, I will count them. Once each and every one of you has turned in a poem I will post them on the back board. They will all be posted at once and you will have time to go through and read them all. Please though do not let each other know which one is yours until after class. We will take down the poems at the very end of the day and I will leave them in a basket by the door and you can take yours home if you wish to do so. If not then I may use them as examples for next years' students." Miss Kirkland finished explaining the rules to the class and then started calling out our names. "Sadık… Gilbert… Eduard… Lukas…" One by one she called up each of us from the class, "Ivan… Katyusha… Antonio…" each student went up and handed in their assignment. I just had to wait for my name to be called I had already gotten out my poem and folded it as instructed and now I was just doodleing on a spare piece of paper, "Lovino" I got up and walked to the desk showing her the paper and then placed it in the box she had indicated. As I was walking back to my seat Matthew was walking up and gave me a small smile that I didn't return, that I never returned. And Mei and Vash were both standing up from their seats to hand in their own poems. "Now class you can talk amongst yourselves while I count the poems."

"Lovi. Hey Lovi." Gilbert started poking me in the back with his pencil I really did have the worst luck in this class I sat behind Antonio next to Francis and in front of Gilbert. My only saving grace was that I was next to the window.

"Mon ami why don't you flirt with someone more on your level?" Francis teased Gilbert in their weird pervy way.

"Haha yeah Gil why don't you try to get Liliy's number again? Vash could use the workout." I snickered at this. Liliy was a sophomore and last year when Gilbert saw her he tried to flirt with her and was about half way through asking her for her number when her big brother Vash showed up out of nowhere holding a broken plastic spoon to Gilbert's neck as though it were a knife. The three idiots hadn't realized that she was his little sister and that he wouldn't be letting anyone near her.

"Hey! At least I didn't try to ask out Kat!" Gilbert retorted glaring at Antonio

"No my friend but you did go after Natalia." Francis came to the aide of his friend.

"If I smacked you all right now would you shut up?" I had decided that enough was enough, besides if this kept up a fight may just start.

"Aw Lovi don't be so mean. Don't you want to talk to us? We are the most awesome seniors in the class!"

"Oh my god just shut up all of you."

"But Mon ami-"

"Francis why don't you leave the kid be?" Yay a saving angel! "He doesn't need your stupid French germs all over him." Arthur Kirkland was apparently my hero today.

"Yo bro they aren't any of your business!" Toby Kirkland the other boy of the Kirkland triplets spoke up. The two boys may have just about been even more opposite than me and my brother.

The two of them started fighting with each other verbally as happened almost every day. They would fight and eventually either Miss Kirkland would come down on them and make them sit on opposite sides of the room or Kaelin the third of the triplets would convince them to shut up before they got into trouble.

"Boys if you keep this up sis is gonna get mad and mum said if we get into any more trouble than we can't go to the city this weekend." There she was, Kaelin; honestly, If not for the hint of boobs she and Toby would be identical. When she wore the jacket of her uniform and wore pants you really couldn't tell which was which.

"Class please be seated. I am going to hang up all the poems on the back board. Please once I am done calmly go to read them."

"Tonio, Franny; wanna have a competition?" Gilbert looked to his two friends and then looked at me.

"Sure Gil what is it?" Francis looked like he was ready for whatever it was that would spew out of his stupid friend's mouth.

"I'm game!" Antonio had that stupid look on his face like a little kid who was going to race around the scorer field.

"Whoever can guess Lovi's poem first wins a kiss!" Gilbert looked at me excitedly

"WHAT?" I couldn't believe he thought I was just going to be a prize to be won. "No I'm not kissing any of you. No way! Not happening!"

"Aw Lovi come on play the game with us! Gilbert won't win anyways! I know you best I've known you longest!"

"My good friend, you forget this is poetry a look into the soul and I as a Frenchman am very good at reading people's souls~"

"Kesesese." There was that stupid infuriating fake laugh of his again, "Like you could beat me. I shall win this contest! The rules are thus we each get three guesses whoever wins gets a kiss from Lovi!"

All three of them looked at me expectedly, "Fine! But only three guesses and then when you all lose you leave me alone."

All three agreed to the rules and shook on it as Miss Kirkland was walking back to her seat. She released the class and the three boys almost ran to the board to start reading. I stayed in my seat and waited for them to try to guess mine.

Antonio came back over first, "Lovi did you write this one?

**Will I get an A?**

I wrote the poem

I guess it wasn't that stupid

Will I get an A?"

"Nope" I replied after he read the poem.

"Aw I will try again!"

He ran off like a little kid seconds later Fancis came over, "I bet this is the one that you wrote my little Italian friend,

**Love**

Love is the colour of the sky

It is what picks us up and makes us fly.

A simple couplet about love from a simple Italian!"

"Nope. I didn't write that one either."

"Alas I shall find it yet."

As he left Gilbert came over, "You didn't write this did you?

**My Wife**

My wife shall be the sweetest thing in the world

My wife shall cook and clean for me each day

My wife will love me unconditionally

My wife shall be adorable

My wife shall be mine alone."

I burst up laughing at that one, "N-no that wasn't mine!"

"Good because that one is a little weird. Of you have to hear Ivan's I'm sure it's his!

**Sunflowers**

A ray of happiness in our dark world

They bloom in even the harshest of place

Sunflowers fill us all with happiness

And chases away all the darkness

I love sunflowers

Even when my crazy sister tries to hid in them

Sunflowers are truly one of a kind.

See?"

"Oh my god was that even in a poem format?"

"No! That was just some form of free-verse I guess"

"Hey Gilbert guess what?"

"Ah! Franny you scared me… um why are you and Toni looking at me like that?"

"Oh don't you see Gilly you just used up two of your guesses!" Antonio answered him.

"Nuh-uh I was just telling him about another of them!"

"No I think they are right Gilbert that was two guesses." I really wanted this game to be over.

"Fine," Gilbert went away pouting and looking at the poems.

"Okay my turn!" Francis placed himself in front of me, "you like cats therefore this must be your poem,

**Cats**

Very truly soft

I love how they purr at me

Cats are my friends"

He looked at me all expectedly, "no… that is not mine, actually I'm pretty sure it is either Kiku's or Heracles's poem."

"My turn!" Antonio cleared his throat and began to recite,

**Cats**

I wish that I could be a cat

For then all day I could nap

Cats are truly the greatest thing on earth

If only I had been a cat from birth

That is your poem right Lovi?"

"Really? You honestly think that that is my poem? No it is not."

Both of the boys went away then to search for my poem. Eventually Francis made his way back over.

"This has to be your poem!

**Freedom**

Freedom is the only thing that is true in this world

Freedom rings of truth and liberty

When Freedom rings across the world everyone knows

Everyone knows that a great hero has been born

And that he will save the world

And grant Freedom everywhere!"

"Francis you have just lost. I'm sorry you can try again next time. There are no consolation prizes."

He glared at me and then sat waiting to see what his friends would come up with I'm sure.

Antonio came over then with a look of pride on his face, "I know which one is yours!

**Tomatoes**

The fruit of the earth

I tend to them each day and watch over my pants

Deep red and so very juicy

Tomatoes are truly amazing

And tomatoes were my first true love."

Francis and I both started laughing at the same time and Antonio just looked at us like we were the crazy ones. "Mon ami, i-isn't that your poem?"

"It's his? Oh my god that's even better!"

"Oh yeah it is, isn't it?" Antonio looked at me sheepishly, "I guess I lost then…"

"Good now you all can leave me alone." I lay my head down and thought over who they thought I was. I wondered if while looking at the poems if my poem had even crossed their minds as actually belonging to me. I mean the ones they thought I wrote were far too happy. At least the game was over. I sat there the rest of the class period lost in my own thoughts, when the bell rang I walked right by the poem basket. I didn't want anyone to know which one was mine so I didn't want to pick it up either. I made it to my locker and started the countdown _'3-2-1'_.

"Fratello!" _' Feliciano right on time.'_

"Fratello! How was your day? I had a really good day and Ludwig said he would walk with me home so do you mind if he walks with us? Iknow you usually don't want to walk with him but I really really want to and besides Kiku said he might walk with us and if it is okay with grandpa then we are all gonna hang out and have pasta and celebrate Kiku graduating soon!"

"Feliciano I have to rush home to get work done faster today, so yeah you can walk with them. Just don't come crying to me when the big German idiot hurts you. Oh and tell Grandfather that I am getting a head start on my chores and will see him at 5:00 to discuss dinner plans."

"Okay! I can do that! Do you want me to sing for you again Lovino? Or or I can play the piano!"

"Sure Vene. That would be great."

"You called me Vene!"

"So?"

"You haven't done that since we were kids. I love you fratello."

"Whatever just I have to hurry."

I walked out of the school quickly I really did want to get away from here and I didn't want to be stuck with my brother and his stupid friends. The only one I could stand was Kiku and he was so quiet you couldn't always remember that he was standing there.

"Lovi! Hey Lovi!" I turned my head and saw Gilbert running towards me.

"What do you want?"

"Can't I walk you home?"

"No."

"Well that's silly, because I won the competition."

"What? No you didn't!"

"Yeah-huh I have your poem in my hands."

"Gilbert I promise you that you couldn't have found my poem-"

"No tears." He cut me off with the name of my poem, "it's yours isn't it?"

"As if, I bet it's some sappy poem written by Mei or something."

He looked at me for a second and then pulled out a piece of paper and began reading

**"No Tears**

Crimson Red

Crisp White

Great Relief

Stinging Pain

Rusty Iron

Bitter Clean

A Clean Cut

A Fresh Bandage

A Dripping Wound

An Alcohol Swab

An Ugly Word Said

A Beautiful Scar Formed

And yet, through all of this pain, not a single tear was shed,"

As he finished he looked over at me and I stopped walking we were a block away from my house and I knew that if I had to I could run it, "It is yours isn't it?"

I kept my silence.

"Lovino, whatever made you write this. Whatever made you feel this low that you would write about this. Just know that it isn't the end okay? It may seem like it is but I promise you this is not the end okay? If you ever want to talk I'm actually a pretty good listener; and Lovi? If you need medical support my cousin is actually trained in first aide. I got pretty sick as a child and for a time he studied medicine so that he could help out my family. So just… go to him okay? He won't tell anyone if you need him not to." He then hugged me gently and yet I still remained silent, "Lovi please don't leave us. Don't leave me." He then squeezed me a little and I let out a gasp of pain. He pulled back to look at me and saw the pain on my face, "Lovi?"

"Let me go" I pushed away from him and ran to the house going through the back entrance to the kitchen. "Oh god, oh god, oh god."

"Lovi what's wrong? Why is there blood on the back of your shirt?"

I looked up at the shocked concerned face of Bella, "shit." That was the last thing I said as I saw black and fainted.

* * *

AN: So in case any of you were wondering this is the class list as well as the names of their poems:

Mrs. Kirkland's 6 period SR English Class – Teacher - Kirkland, Emily O'Connor (Ireland)

Adnan, Sadık (Turkey) – Will I get an A?

Beilschmidt, Gilbert (Prussia) – Homeland

Bock, Eduard von (Estonia) – Tech

Bondevik, Lukas (Norway) – Icy cold days

Bonnefoy, Francis (France) – Roses

Braginski, Ivan (Russia) – Sunflowers

Braginski, Katyusha (Ukarine) – the farm

Carriedo, Antonio Fernandez (Spain) – tomatoes

Hassan, Gupta Muhammad (Egypt) – the past

Honda, Kiku (Japan) – cats (Haiku)

Jones, Alfred F. (America) – Freedom!

Karpusi, Heracles (Greece) – cats

Kirkland, Arthur (England) – Cards

Kirkland, Kaelin (New Zealand) – Love (couplet)

Kirkland, Toby (New Zealand) – football!

Køhler, Mathias (Denmark) – our ancestors

Oxenstierna, Berwald (Sweden) – my wife

Väinämöinen, Tino (Finland) – dogs

Vargas, Lovino (S. Italy) – No Tears

Williams, Matthew (Canada) – invisible

Xiao, Mei (Taiwan) – flowers

Zwingli, Vash (Switzerland) – Her


	7. Chapter 6: sick? Or just a good plan?

Chapter 6: sick? Or just a good plan?

"Roderich, will he be okay?" I could hear people talking.

"He is fine Bella he just passed out."

I heard a slapping sound, "the back of his shirt is covered in blood and you want to pass this off as fine! Tell me what happened since you obviously know!"

I opened my eyes a little and realized that I was in Ned's room; Bella and Roderich were standing in the hallway arguing. I could hear someone in the room moving and tensed up not knowing who it was. "Shh kid it's me. I see the old man is as mad as ever?" Ned's soothing quiet voice calmed me, "I'm proud that you actually told another person. When you told me I thought you were gonna punish yourself for it. Of course with the state your back is in it looks like you didn't really have a choice. What got him so angry this time?"

I swallowed a little spit, "something stupid that I did."

"Hey you know I don't like it when you talk that way. He is a sadistic bastard you aren't the one who is at fault. Just because he can't get over the past doesn't mean he has the right to take it out on his own grandson."

I snickered at that, "Don't you remember Ned, I'm not his grandson. I'm an abomination."

He tapped me on the head lightly for that one, "quit joking around. I'm gonna check out how your back is. Do you want me to lock Bella out or risk her coming in?"

"You and I both know that you would never be able to get away with locking your sister out of the room, so I guess if she comes in we tell her a half truth. I don't want her to know everything… I don't want her to look at me in that way."

"You're gonna go far kid but you got to remember girls will always assume the worst."

I sighed and thought on that one while Ned sat me up and made me take my now blood soaked shirt off then had me lay back down. He was gently examining it when the two I the hall way went quiet, "Sweetheart what are you doing down here?"

"I came to see where Fratello was… Grandpa said that he is expecting him for dinner and wanted Lovi to know that."

I could see Roderich back up and hide the open part of the door as much as possible, "Feliciano, Lovino came down with a bad stomach bug and will not be able to join you for dinner. Timothy is home though and looking after him for the time being so please tell your grandfather not to worry." Ned started glaring at Roderich through the door for using his real name. He had been going by his nick name since high school.

"Uncle Ned is home? Can I see him?!" I could see Roderich stiffen as he tried to keep his composure around Feliciano.

"Honey if you are taking up his time who will look after Lovino? After all he is back home on vacation from medical school so you know that your brother is in the best of hands, okay? Now why don't you go let your Grandfather know that Lovi is sick and I will start to serve supper in a bit okay?"

"Okay! See you later Bella."

Both of the hallway occupants breathed a sigh of relief as Feli went away, "Bella you need to make supper. If Lovino wants to tell us what happened then he can do so later. I must attend to the pastries."

I could just make out Roderich steering Bella to the kitchen.

"That was a relief. I don't know what I could have said had your brother got in here. I mean damn Lovi it looks like you were whipped forty times."

"A hundred"

"what?"

"A hundred; I was whipped a hundred times. Fifty before he… and then fifty afterwards, he made me count each stroke."

"Oh god… Lovino no wonder there is almost no proper skin in places. Roderich did a good job but some of these stiches have pulled. I want to re do them and then I want you to rest the rest of the night."

"No! I can't." I tried to get up but he was having none of that and held my shoulders down so I couldn't move.

"You are staying right here or so help me I will lock you in the room. You need rest and I need to wrap your body. Besides if you want any visitors then you have to lay down still and be good for _Uncle Ned_." He smirked at me and then lent over to grab his black medical bag that he always brought with him.

"Not on your life am I ever calling you that _Timothy_," I smirked back and stuck my tongue out at him, "I still can't believe that Feliciano calls you that."

He rolled his eyes at me and told me to shush or he wouldn't give me any good pain meds, both of us knew that was a bluff but I decided to actually listen to him for once. I lay there as he worked his magic. I had been going to Ned for 6 years now, ever since the first time Grandfather had added _that _part of my punishments. As an 11 year old all I knew was that I was in pain and that what he did was so very wrong. I was crying when I escaped to the kitchen and say Ned sitting at the table studying his undergraduate work. I think the crying is why he knew something was seriously wrong. I had always kept my emotions hidden hoping that it would protect me, so even though Ned and I grew up knowing each other he had never seen me cry. When he saw me though he immediately picked me up and carried me to his room. I was scared though so started crying harder. After what I had been through that night no one could blame me. He set me on the desk and I cried out in more pain. That was when I think he caught on. He asked me what had happened and I told him, 'Grandfather punished me' that was the first time I had ever told anyone what happened; after that came out everything did. By the end of that night Ned had learned all of what happened and made me open up more. He and I became friends after that and eventually I opened up to all of them, well a little. They all in turn found out that my 'talks' with grandfather went a little beyond a simple spanking and were more along the lines of a full beating but only Ned ever knew about _that_ part, well now Roderich did to.

"What are you thinking about kid?"

I looked up at him sheepishly, "I was just thinking how lucky a poor little kid like me got such a big strong protector like you. I don't know what I would do without you _Uncle Ned_"

He rolled his eyes at me and ruffled my hair, "I'm finished with your damn stiches, and you better be good squirt. I don't want you pulling any more of them okay?"

I fluttered my eyes, "Do I get a sticker for being good for the doctor?"

"You keep it up and you can get a black eye." I laughed at him and he smiled good naturedly, "just keep your head down. I will make some excuses to your grandfather but you can't afford to miss school so you will still have to go okay?"

"And how exactly do you plan on me getting there without Grandfather knowing I left the house Oh Mighty One?"

"Now that one is easy, you go out the door to the servant's garden then at the back is a door in the fence that leads to an alleyway between this house and the one behind it, you go left instead of right and go in the school from the North entrance below that stairwell where you eat lunch. Most kids go in from the South including your brother; then you just make sure that one; you don't cross paths with him all day and two that he leaves the school before you go to your locker after school. Then you come back in the house the same way. I tell your Grandfather that you have come down very sick so I want to keep watch over you for a few days. If he asks why I just tell him that you caught pneumonia and that either I can watch over you or we can put you in the hospital for a week or so. He will then agree to leave you here because he knows I won't say anything but they might. See I have it all worked out."

"uh…" I stared at him with my mouth open for a few moments, "how long did it take you to come up with that plan?"

"In the time I was fixing up your back, that is the way I used to get to school so I know it works, and besides your grandfather knows that I won't talk because I'm protecting Bella but a hospital would call DHS."

"That's true. What about pain meds? I already passed out today from pain because I only took meds this morning."

"I will pack you a lunch and put some in it. Better not get caught with them though, the school will throw a fit."

"Yeah, that's just what I need them to call Him to explain that I had illegal pain meds on me at school."

"Well keep your nose down and it will all be fine. Now I'm gonna go eat and see your grandfather. Oh and Lovi? If you ever need any help at school ask Gilbert, I know we all joke about him but you should give him a chance. What he can offer may just surprise you."

With that he left and I had a lot to think about. I mean that's the second time in less than twenty-four hours that someone has told me to talk to Gilbert. Would it be a good idea? Talking to him would mean another person knew. No, I couldn't talk to him before and I can't talk to him now. I mean come on I'm pathetic. Everyone knows that, everyone knows that I deserve the beatings. If I was just a little braver I'd just kill myself like dad did. Grandfather would be happy; Bella, Ned, Eliza, and Roderich would all be safe. They wouldn't have to take care of me anymore. And little Feliciano would be happy because I wouldn't be yelling at him. He could find comfort in his friends. Not like I have any friends to miss me. That would end it all, the suffering, the pain, the self-hatred. But I'm not brave enough to take the last step. No I'm just that fucking pathetic that I can't even kill myself properly. Oh I planned it over the years, but I could never go through with it. I bought razors and then ended up throwing them away. I stole pills and then flushed them. I even once learned how to tie a noose, but then I couldn't step off the table. No I'm just too pathetic. I closed my eyes and let the soft sounds of conversation from the kitchen lull me to sleep, but I wouldn't cry. Not over this, not again.


End file.
